Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
