i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
