So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
