she was so not down for the gang bang
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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