Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
