We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
