you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
