she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
