I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
