Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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