Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
