Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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