Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
