My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
