I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
soo... how was my night?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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