I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I would fuck him just for his dog
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
