dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
