I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
