Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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