Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
