hotel room ftw
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
