those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
