You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
