Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
