rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
