genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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