i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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