OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
