That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
