I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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