Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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