I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
