Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
