tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
