He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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