dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
