It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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