where am i from again
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
