You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
