did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
