In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
pray to the hookup gods
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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