I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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