Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
