I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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