shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
