I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
