Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
