All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
