the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have feelings that need drinking.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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