I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
