Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
