all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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