WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
