i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
