Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
