I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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