woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
