I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
