honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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