Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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