There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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