No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
