Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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