She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
