yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
