So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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