I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
