I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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