He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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