She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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